My exercise today to bring me out of the funk: I took a walk with my son to the store. Although it was short lived, it helped clear the cobwebs a little bit. I am lost. For the past 4 days I have slept until 12 or 1. This is the side of me I do NOT like. :): I can’t get anything done, and for some reason, I am paralyzed. All of that is stemmed from guilt, anxiety, fear, and all of those things that for some reason we as humans just cannot let go of. It has blocked me from getting any writing – or reading done for the past few days. I have not been a pleasure to be around. Hopefully, the brisk walk is the beginning of another era. I can’t stand living in a depression bubble. I have so many things in my head that I want to put on paper, but I can NOT do that when I am in the state I have been in for the past few days.
Thank you, Dana, for giving me encouraging words to help me out of my rut. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for telling me to go out and get the endorphins moving. Nothing like some fresh air to the brain to get the mind going. Thank you Cory, my therapist, for your inspirational ideas of signing up for classes to get around some new people. Although I would love to sign up for a couple of new classes, and gain a fresh perspective, I might have to put that on the back burner, and get some other things in order financially. Things are not as they seem. I know things are only temporary. Things WILL get better. Everybody says it. I have to believe in it.
I saw something on Facebook, and after I read about it, I instantly thought of me. How true. There was a glass a quarter filled with water, so the students thought that the teacher was going to talk about the “Glass is always half full” theory, and how or why we should get over our pessimistic ways. However, that was NOT the case at all. Instead, he talked about how long we held the glass. First we held it for a little bit, and we only thought about our problems for a few minutes, but then we put the glass down- problems set aside. But have you ever seen someone holding that same glass for a long time because they had no where to put it? Interestingly, that is me, I just can’t let go of those worries, but that is what the teacher/psychologist was telling us to do. Let the glass go, and forget about our problems. They will still be there, but we don’t need to keep a constant grip on them. What an interesting perspective. I loved it. It didn’t change my attitude on anything this morning. What did change my attitude was my short lived walk with Nathan (my oldest son) and my dog (Sadie)? It didn’t change my attitude permanently, but it did for the time being. So, what I am saying is that we have to shelf that glass, or water bottle, and get out there and do it, and like my parents said, “Get the endorphins going,” if we really want to change how we feel on the inside. Maybe then we will feel more important on the outside. So I guess I also owe a thank you to the teacher/psychologist.
On another note, there is something I want to share, but it will have to remain a secret for at least a few more days, and NO I am not pregnant. However, I am super excited, I just couldn’t contain myself when I found out. So many changes are going to happen this year. My children are no longer babies. It is so hard to believe how fast they have grown up. I just don’t know where the time has gone. My children are each special in their own way, and they both make me proud that I am their mother.